


My One and Only

by Rokun



Category: Hello! Project, Morning Musume.
Genre: F/F, Graduation, Japanese Idols, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 00:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5396231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rokun/pseuds/Rokun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Riho Sayashi has had a life-changing year that she met head-on, but was there anyone she could turn to and really just let it out before her graduation and it all came to an end? This is a late follow up and companion to Disneyland Delinquents. I don't normally leave so many random Japanese words in a fic, but I did so for a reason this time. This is a short memorial for everyone who loves Riho.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My One and Only

“Otsukaresama deshita!” Riho repeated seemingly endlessly as she walked through the halls backstage of the Budoukan. She poured all of her energy into it though, wanting to make sure and express her deep-felt feelings of gratitude to everyone that had supported her over the years.

When she reached the dressing room, she found the other girls had beaten her there – not surprising as much as she’d been caught up by greetings to pretty much everyone she came across – and they threw a small celebration for her along with a cake.

_“Sayashi-san, Sotsugyou Omedetou”_

The words written on the cake were simple, but she felt her eyes always drawn back to them up until they were broken up once she cut into the cake. She had a large piece of it with plenty of fruit on top, and chatted with the other girls as she ate. Fuku-chan and Maa-chan in tears as they stared already missing her, Zukki with her big smile as she stuffed her cheeks, Eripon and Duu acting cool, Harunan being geeky with the younger girls… all but one. She had noticed immediately that someone was missing, but didn’t mention it since she wanted to keep up the energetic and celebratory mood. 

Eventually the girls broke off to tidy themselves up, and begin to head their separate ways, all the way down to Maa-chan who didn’t want to let her go. “Yasushi-san, samishii…” she kept whining, but Riho did her best to give the girl an encouraging smile. “It’s not sayonara, it’s mata ne,” she would say. “We’ve got a few more events these next three weeks until the 21st, er… 31st, too, after all.”

“It’ll be so busy though…” the girl kept protesting.

_“Ma-ta-ne~”_ Riho repeated, and eventually the final girl also drifted off and left her alone with a few bustling staff members.

Riho took her time changing into her street clothes and arranging her own things, taking deep breaths as she attempted to fend off exhaustion like she didn’t think she’d ever felt before. Her mind still rung with the memories of the day, how nervous she’d been putting herself out there so much, how many things she could have done better… but soon she would try and turn it all off.

She slung her bag over the shoulder and headed out into the hall, trudging down it to the exits with only some faint “Otsukaresama deshita”s now at the staff who passed and bowed to her. It was deafeningly quiet compared to her day up until that point. Eventually, almost without her realizing, another, smaller, girl fell in beside her with her own bag over her shoulder.

“Sorry for not being at your party,” the girl said in a low voice. Riho’s breath caught. It seemed someone else had been crying, as well.

“It’s okay,” Riho replied in a quiet voice herself, lacking virtually all of the energy she’d exuded earlier. Saying goodbye to all the fans and the other members was one thing, but it really felt like she’d already said everything she needed to this girl, even before she first announced her graduation. “You’ve hardly talked to me like this since…” she began, but trailing off not needing to continue.

Instead of responding, she felt the girl hook an arm around her own. Riho flinched at the other’s touch, but let her pull her along a different hallway. They finally reached a different exit, out a side door near a part of the garden area, and when they reached some cover of vegetation, they sat down on the ground in front of a small fence. Riho looked up at the stars, only a few up high bright enough to see in the early winter mid-city sky. She was surprised she could see any until remembering they were at the edges of the Imperial park, where lights would be more limited.

“I guess it’s graduation year, isn’t it?” The other girl asked, and Riho glanced over to see her looking up at the stars also. “I graduated school in March, and though you’ve got a year of that left you’ve decided on one of your own…”

“I did,” Riho replied quietly.

The girl looked over at her finally, and Riho gazed back into Ayumi-chan’s eyes. “What happened to us, Riho-san?”

Riho took a moment to respond. “We grew older,” she replied candidly.

Ayumi-chan breathed a short laugh, and reached up to lightly touch the side of Riho’s face. Riho reflexively leaned into the touch before she caught herself. “Why does it seem you’re older now than I am?” The question was hardly more than a statement since Riho knew that more than anyone, this girl would already know the answer. Riho pulled away, and they both sat back with their eyes drifting again to the sky.

“Do you remember those first times we visited each other’s schools?” The girl asked. Like Riho could hardly forget. “Our trips to Dreamland, all those wonderful dinners…”

“Ayumi-chan…” Riho began, her voice becoming tight.

“I’m sorry,” the girl said quickly. 

She remembered every moment she’d spent with the girl in the two years they’d dated. Between that and her work, it had been the happiest time of her life. For perhaps the first time she hadn’t felt quite so alone. Even so, early last winter Ayumi-chan had at last admitted frustration saying it was always so hard to know what Riho was really thinking, that even though they’d been together so long it was like she never opened up, always so focused on her efforts at school and at work.

Riho hadn’t known how to respond to that, so she shut down even further and the two of them began drifting apart. They still went on a few dates over the winter holidays, even spent a few nights together like their annual Christmas in Dreamland, but it was nothing more than a glimmering parade of detachment. Before Ayumi-chan’s high school graduation they broke it off completely, and Riho shut down even further only rarely hanging out with friends and redoubling her efforts at work.

In the long ensuing months she thought hard about her life and where she was going, and this fall finally made her decision.

“Was it me?” Ayumi-chan asked, and Riho’s widening eyes darted back to her. Before she’d often wondered if the girl could read her mind, but…

“No,” she replied quickly, and the girl looked at her. Riho’s eyes fell. “It was the decision I came to after lots of thinking about what I want out of life. It’s really what I’ve been telling people all along. Nobody believes me…”

“I believe you,” Ayumi-chan replied quietly. “But… I wonder if that’s what you would have decided if not for me.”

Riho replied with silence.

“Well we’re both going to be free now I guess, huh?” The girl said after a time, stretching. “Me from school, even though there’s still work…” She gave a soft chortle. “I suppose you’re kind of going the other direction, from work to school no? Studying English and dance. Any idea where you’ll go yet?”

“No,” Riho replied.

“Going off to learn who knows what kind of sophisticated dance in who knows what glamorous place… You just have to keep staying ahead of me, don’t you?”

“It’s not that,” Riho protested.

“It’s okay.” The girl giggled. “Don’t deny it, I know how competitive you are. You’ll accept nothing less than working the hardest, being the best.”

“I’m not,” Riho continued to quietly protest.

Ayumi-chan reached up to her face again and tilted her head to look into her eyes. “You saw all those fans out there today, didn’t you? Cheering your name. All those cameras, the members getting so emotional even though there are still some weeks to go. You _are_ the best, you know.” 

Riho stared into dark eyes a moment before shrugging away again to hide her blush, but didn’t protest this time. 

“That’s why they fell in love with Riho Sayashi,” Ayumi-chan continued. Did she really have to keep going… “It’s why I did,” she continued in a much smaller voice.

“I’m sorry, Ayumi-chan,” Riho said, shaking her head, and for the very first time today she felt tears come to her own eyes. “If I was really all that great I wouldn’t have hurt you. If I was really that great I wouldn’t be stumbling my way alone through my life like I am.” She looked up into the girl’s concerned face, realizing her own eyes must be glistening with moisture but beyond caring at the moment. “Am I making another disastrous decision, Ayumi-chan?” she said, her voice now filled with desperation and fear, pleading to the girl beside her.

Ayumi-chan didn’t answer, just pulled her close, and Riho lowered all her defenses as her tears gushed forth against the girl’s shoulder. She sobbed, sniffed, and choked her tears in the arms of the person who’d meant more to her than anyone, until finally drawing away.

“I’m sorry,” she said once she could manage words. “I’m such a crybaby…”

“No you’re not,” Ayumi-chan said in an amused voice, though it seemed tight as well. Riho had thought she felt some dampness from the girl’s own tears as she wept herself. “You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Strong people don’t cry…” Riho retorted in her misery.

The other girl was silent a moment before finally responding. “A strong person is one who takes on pressure, takes on challenge, no matter how impossible the task seems. A strong person is a twelve year old girl who grabs the spotlight in an organization with such a tradition and history as Morning Musume, and elevates it to even another level as she bears all the pressure on her tender shoulders. A strong person is someone who feels confident enough in herself that she can say ‘There’s even more out there’ and decide to leave all of that behind to set off on a new journey. Someone who held every eye today at the Nippon Budoukan, smiling all the way through in her gratitude without letting anyone see what it all was really doing to her.”

“You’re seeing it…” Riho said softly, though her tears had faded as she pondered each of the girl’s words. When Ayumi-chan stayed silent though, she finally looked up to see the girl smiling caringly back at her. 

“A strong person is someone who can trust someone enough to bare her soul to when she needs. Even when her partner too selfish to understand that.” As she finished, her smile adopted a sad tint, and Riho saw her eyes moisten again.

Riho stared back, at a loss at the admission from the girl beside her. “Were we just too young?” she asked.

Ayumi-chan’s smile fell into an awkward grin. “You’re starting to talk like an old lady,” she chided.

“Old man,” Riho chimed, coughing a soft laugh.

“Don’t forget hentai,” Ayumi-chan continued, though after more brief laughter from both of them a somewhat awkward silence dragged on.

“This is the only life I’ve known, Ayumi-chan,” Riho said finally, staring out ahead of her. “I pushed throughout my childhood. Pushed harder once I passed the audition. For nearly all seventeen years. I wonder if I maybe made this decision just to have it all over with, for once.” She looked up into her companion’s face. “Am I still too young?”

In response the other girl leaned toward her again, but instead of just holding her gently, this time she captured her lips in a kiss. Riho responded gratefully, though she knew her face must be like a wet rag by now. The touch felt so familiar, though it had been so long. After a moment they parted and just held each other close.

“Riho-san, that wasn’t…”

“I know,” Riho said quickly. As much as she desired that intimacy, she knew it was only fleeting. Even though she couldn’t presume on what all was to come.

“I do love you,” the girl said softly, barely a whisper.

Riho tightened her embrace. “I know.” 

She did know that no matter what, she would always have someone to rely on. She smiled wistfully in their embrace, remembering all her teasing what seemed so long ago. They may not yet fully be adults, but they were certainly no longer such brash, youthful delinquents.

The next day when she walked in to practice, it was business as usual if maybe with a few more looks from her comrades. Business as usual at least, except for the bright smile she shared with Ayumi-chan for the first time since before the year when her life was to change forever. Seeing that smile made an idea sparkle in her mind as if yearning to be recognized, but during a break from practice the girl came first to her.

“Hey look at this!” Ayumi-chan said, offering her phone. Riho glanced at the screen and saw herself shouting into a microphone - it was a recording of a report of yesterday’s concert on one of the morning shows.

“Ah… hazukashii!!!” Riho moaned, hiding her face, and quickly glanced around to see if anyone else was looking. No one was, but they’d all still certainly see this and other reports soon if they hadn’t yet.

“Nee, Riho-san,” Ayumi-chan said, a flash of uncertainty in her voice. 

“Mm?” Riho replied, peeking out between her fingers. When she saw the girl’s phone back down at her side, she dropped her hands.

“I was thinking… Christmas is coming up in a couple weeks, you know.” Riho blinked at how closely that echoed the thought she’d had. Was she saying… “I can hardly remember a Christmas I didn’t spend at Dreamland with Riho-san. We’ve gone the past three years… I thought… You know, if you really didn’t mind, just in order to keep a tradition alive of course…”

“Yes,” Riho interrupted suddenly.

Ayumi-chan blinked at her.

Riho smiled. “Yes, let’s go to Dreamland for Christmas. Together.”

Seeing the smile bloom again on Ayumi-chan’s face, Riho thought how amazing it was to still have this one girl at least by her side, no matter what came. As for fully becoming an adult… It would come too, and perhaps she was already there in many ways, but the rest could maybe wait just a little bit longer. The endless sky lay out far and wide before her.


End file.
